Pray the Price
Hello My Faithphilled Friends,
It has been a while since the last we talked. So much has changed, but God has been a constant. One of the most recent changes that I want to tell yall about is the evolution of my prayer life. In September 2020 I had a miscarriage. Since then, I've felt disconnected from God. I was going through the motions and participating in church activities, but I wasn't feeling as connected to God as I have in the past. I felt like when I was praying it was ingenuine and forced. I was frustrated and not necessarily with God but with myself. If I'm being honest, I've always felt like prayer was a struggle for me. Praying is hard. Putting the right words together in the right manner, off the top of my head has always been an intimidating task. Whether I have to pray in front of people or its just me and God, its prayer has always been a task. I am constantly exposed to the prayers of phenomenal warriors, even my best friend is one of the most powerful prayer warriors I know. So, to not be able to speak to God in a manner that everyone around me could speak to him was extremely discontenting. It caused me to have a lot of doubt in myself and my abilities. Was God even hearing my prayers? Were they so dry and boring that he wasn’t listening? Was that why he wasn't answering me or only answering on occasion? So, I started asking God to teach me and asking God for a prayer language unique to me. I didn't want to sound like anyone else or pray like everyone else, but I did desire to communicate with God like everyone else could. I wanted to be confident that he hears me and more importantly I wanted to hear him too.
Many months went by and soon came revival at my church. But this wasn’t a typical revival, during this revival my church partnered with another church, and we fellowshipped together for 3 days. During that time, I asked God to move on my behalf and show me something new to heal my discontentment. On the 2nd day of the revival, I went to the front for prayer. I went because I was carrying my 2nd son and between doctors’ reports and new feelings in my body it began to feel like my body was failing me. My breast, my teeth, my nervous system, my back, my leg, my under arm, my foot, many times I thought I was going to lose my son or lose myself. The more aches I had in my body the more fear I had. I went up there for a prayer of healing. The pastor began to pray and the first thing he said was "God hears you and He will give you a new prayer language". He went on to say more but then stopped and prayed over my body. That night on the car ride home I said, “God, I trust you and I believe you’re going to do something new.” When I woke up the next morning my body felt completely different. From that day forward I didn't know what, when or how God would do something, but I knew he had heard me. A few months went by, and it dawned on me I was still giving God these dry crusty prayers. So, one day I said "LORD! YOU SAID YOU WOULD GRANT ME A NEW LANGUAGE BUT ITS STILL THE SAME... WHATS UP WITH THAT?!?!?".
I waited for a reply but instead of hearing something a book about prayer that I was familiar with popped up on my amazon wish-list. I decided faith without works is dead, so I decided to get a purchased the devotional and asked if anyone wanted to join me in a 40-day prayer challenge. I got a few responses but only 4 people seemed serious, so I bought the book for them, and we began. I woke up at 5am and read the devotional and wrote out my thoughts and a prayer. But much to my surprise, I struggled the ENTIRE WAY THROUGH! I had trouble waking up, trouble keeping up with the days reading, trouble writing a prayer and even struggled with taking notes. But I could feel that I was on the right track and God didn’t want me to stop. One morning as I was falling asleep while praying, I heard God say, “this power comes by praying AND fasting”. So, I incorporated a fast. I fasted 29 days from 6-4pm, and the 11 days between my birthday and Christmas I fasted 6-12pm. That fast got me ALL THE WAY TOGETHER. A friend kept me accountable by texting me every morning to make sure I was awake. I spent every lunch period writing out notes if I had not completed them during the day. It felt like I was just making progress though my 40 days was coming to an end. So, I did the challenge again. Reading the same way but incorporating all the new skills I had honed from the previous one. This time I was able to keep myself and a different friend accountable by waking up and texting her. When I got up to read, I highlighted things the author said that I enjoyed. I took new notes and wrote new prayers every morning based off my notes and thoughts. I posted my prayers every day. Did I fall short, ABSOLUTELY! But I did so much better and finally began feeling connected to God and confident in my prayers. I am nowhere close to where I want to be, but I am well on my way.
I am writing this because I want to encourage you. If you need a reset in your prayer life or want to commune with God in a whole new capacity it starts with you making it up in your mind that you are going to stay the course no matter how many times you fall short, must restart and no matter how long it takes. God is a God that hears our hearts desires. If our wants align with His will, he will ensure we get our desires, but we must make it up in our mind that we will stay the course and allow God to stretch push us and stretch us. We must pray the Price for our victory!
Until Next Time My Faithphilled Friends!
Xoxo
Amanda Christine
